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Songs
Original Songs Season 1 ''Pirates of Panache ''Cast of "Pirates of Panache" - Hamburger Dinner Theater We drink, we loot, we rape, we shoot We sing, we dance, we twirl, we prance We're the Pirates of Panache ''I Can't Stop ''Linda Belcher and the robber - Hamburger Dinner Theater (Linda:) You've got your money, now be on your way? (Robber:) Maybe I'll leave, and maybe I'll stay Maybe it's the limelight, could be the singin' (Linda:) 911 should be a-ringin' (Robber:) But I can't stop (Linda:) And neither can I ''Sing in Key ''Bob and Linda Belcher - Hamburger Dinner Theater (Bob:) So I'm singin' words to a song I'm making up right now (Linda:) 'Cause it's the singing that matters and not the song (Bob:) So it's up to me (Linda:) To (Bob:) Sing (Linda:) In (Bob:) High-pitched Key (Linda:) to harmonize with Bob Key (Bob:) -Ee (Linda:) -Ee ''Lifting Up the Skirt of the Night ''Unknown - Sheesh! Cab, Bob? Lifting up the skirt of the night Look down, feel around, do what I do to get by (Hold up, hold on now) Pulling down the pants of the night (Look at those tight pants) Don't laugh, it's not right, to make fun of the night ''I Look At You ''Unknown - Art Crawl I look at you, I see in you I see what's inside you ''Butts, Butts, Butts ''Unknown - Art Crawl Butts, butts, butts, butts Butts, butts, butts, butts Our butts, our butts Our butts are beautiful Butts, our butts, our butts are beautiful Butts, our butts, our butts are beautiful Butts, butts, butts ''Theme from "Banjo" ''Loren Bouchard - Spaghetti Western and Meatballs Banjo, Banjo Doesn't play it for fun, he's just hiding his gun Banjo, Banjo His chaps made of leather, even in hot weather Banjo (He's comin', gunnin' for ya) Banjo (He's comin', strummin' for ya) You can try to talk, but he don't give a pluck Banjo (He's comin', gunnin' for ya) Banjo (He's comin', strummin' for ya) He's strumming for you ''Three Sides Don't Make A Square ''Gene, Linda and Bob Belcher -'' Burger Wars'' (Gene:) Da-ding-ding *Repeat several times* Da-ding-ding-dong a-dinga-a-dinga-a-dinga-a-ding a-dinga-a-dinga-a-DOONG! (Linda:) A ding-dong Bobby go! C'mon Bob, show us your ding-ding! (Bob:) Ding-ding Da-ding-ding DADADADADADADADA-DING! ''Weekend at Mort's ''The Belcher Family - Weekend at Mort's Weekend at Mort's We're gonna have a weekend at Mort's (Louise only) Uh! Uh! Uh! Weekend at Mort's We're gonna have a weekend at Mort's ''Ziti Tonight ''Jimmy Pesto - Weekend at Mort's Try da ziti tonight Oh, yeah it's on da special tonight Oh look at... ''Cannoli ''Jimmy Pesto - Weekend at Mort's Come on, everybody, Try our dessert You gotta have a cannoli ''Wingman ''Ron - Lobsterfest (Hugo:) What? I have a girlfriend? Bob's about to be thrown on to a shell pile? I've had this exact fantasy! (Ron:) Come on, Hugo. If Bob hadn't been your wingman last night, you'd be another lonely guy in a satin sash. (Hugo:) I was doing fine! I don't need a wingman! (Ron:) Oh no? Wingman, flying with the eagles Wingman, he's trying to help you out Wingman Wingman Wingman Wingman Wingman Season 2 ''Taffy Butt ''Cyndi Lauper - The Belchies Teddy was right about the treasure In the butt The next day you will see Taff is washed up on the beach And, oh, my God, is that a gold bar? The wave just washed him out far The kids didn't look close enough In the Taffy butt. You have a taffy butt. There's treasure in that butt. I want that taffy butt. Ay yi yi yi yi! Taffy butt. It's such a... taffy butt! There's gold there in that butt. Give me some taffy butt. Ay yi yi yi yi! Taffy butt. Oh, I want the taffy butt. Give me, give me, Give me some taffy butt. Ay yi yi yi yi yah! ''Getting Out of P.E. ''Loren Bouchard, Nora Smith, Holly Schlesinger & Chris Maxwell - Synchronized Swimming Headin' out of P.E. Gives us time to play on the street First we lied to Mr. Frond Now we're in a nail salon ''Groping for Glory ''John Roberts - Burgerboss Close to the top! Groping for glory, yeah Sometimes in life you just gotta say, I don't give a damn, Ha-ha! Groping the night away, yeah Shoot your arrow in the sky Tell the gods you'll never die You're a real special guy The towel's there, but don't throw it in If you do, you cannot win That's how rules work Crawl up the mountain on hands and knees It's stained with the blood of your enemies Groping for glory ''Sailing ''Unknown - Burgerboss La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, sailing La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, sailing La, la, la, la, la, la S-S-S-S Sailing Meet Me on the Road Unknown - Food Truckin' Meet me on the road, hauling quite a load Taking lots of drugs, I don't know what A-peein' in a jug, gettin' rest stop tugs Might've hit a man, but didn't stop. ''Oil Spill ''Tabitha Johansson - Food Truckin' Oh, it's hot and wet and slick And it's making everybody sick Oil spill It's on the fish, it's on the crabs Foul so close when you can grab this Oil spill Oil spill Oil spill ''Bad Girls ''Holly Schlesinger, Nora Smith and Loren Bouchard - Bad Tina, St. Vincent - Bob's Buskers link, (bold denotes parts only sung in episode) Bad girls don't like to go to Dog Prom and bad girls don't wanna pay for lip balm I don't wanna be this bad I don't wanna be this bad Bad girls make mean announcements at lunch and bad girls think that you're being a boob punch I don't wanna be this bad I don't wanna be this bad Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad girls like to fight with their moms and bad girls don't use pads as tampons I don't wanna be this bad I don't wanna be this bad Bad girls don't wanna go to college and bad girls rip off all your doll's heads I don't wanna be this bad I don't wanna be this bad Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! (spoken:) I was always the good girl, but then I fell in with the wrong crowd. Now I'm mouthing off to my mom and skipping school. Are the boys and their cute butts really worth all this? WATCHOUT!!!! (sung:) Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! 'Season 3' ''Candy! ''Unknown - Full Bars Candy! candycandycandycandycandycandycandycandycandycandy Candy! Candy! Candy! Candy! Candy! Candy! Candy! ''Cooper's Work Song ''Cooper - Bob Fires the Kids Well, we work and we work and we work all day Work, work, work in America, work And we're workin' in the weeds and American work And workin' in the weeds and a work, work, work And worky-work-work, and come on, Gene Pick up the pace, come on, buddy, there we go ''Parakeet in Your Hat ''Mickey - Bob Fires the Kids (muffled music) (Linda:) Bob? (Bob:) Hmm? (Linda:) Mickey's playing his calypso again, can you say something? (Bob:) You go. (Linda:) C'mon! Get up! (Bob:) All right! (Mickey:) Ay-oh-no, ay-no-oh Ay-no-oh, ay-no-oh Is dat a parakeet in my hat? No, no, no, dat's not a parakeet in ya 'at Is dat an alligator ((Bob:) Mickey!) want to eat da parakeet ((Bob:) Mickey!) Da alligator say ((Bob:) Mickey!) no I do not want da parakeet ((Bob:) Hello, Mickey!!) (Mickey:) Oh, ho-ho, hey, Bob! (Bob:) What's that? (Mickey:) Oh, this? You ever see this movie? It's great! (music stops) It's a guy, he wants to be big, then he gets big, he doesn't wanna be big anymore, then he gets small, but the suit's too big. (Bob:) I'm talking about behind the poster, Mickey. (Mickey:) Oh. Uh... (Bob:) Are you making a hole in my wall? (Mickey:) No no no! I was fixing that! (Bob:) Fixing it with a pick? (Mickey:) Yes. (Bob:) Mickey? (Mickey:) All right, look, Bob, don't tell anybody but I'm digging my way to the bank. (Bob:) What? (Mickey:) Day-oh-oh, ay-oh Ay, oh-oh, ee-oh Is dat a parakeet in my 'at? Ay-yo, a parakeet in my 'at He said, no no no no no Dat's a not a parakeet Da alligator said you give me parakeet And de alligator went to a house He went to my house He went a to my house He say, a-where you get da house? I say a from a parakeet He say a parakeet make dat house? I said yes Parakeet make my house ''Ocean Lady ''Unknown - Mutiny on the Windbreaker Ooh-ooh-ooh Sexy lady, ocean lady ''Kill the Turkey ''Linda - An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal Pass the cranberry sauce, we're having mashed potatoes! Oh the turkey looks great Thank you for loving me Thank you for being there Thank you for loving me Everyone's thankin' The whole world's thankin' you Thankin' us for thankin' you Kill the turkey ''The Diarrhea Song ''Linda - Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries* Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries* Some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries* Sorry we're late. Bob had diarrhea! *Laughs* What? (Gene (spoken):) I love you mom. ''Pip's Potato Chips Jingle ''Doug Wheeler - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene Pop in a Pip's POP! potato chips CRUNCH! Bob's Burgers Jingle Gene - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene Have a feast, For your face, Have a burger at Bald Bob's! ''Mort's Jingle ''Gene & Mort - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene If you got yourself a stiff Don't dump it in a ditch Take your corpse to Mort's (Mort:) THAT'S ME! ''Break up with Courtney Song ''Louise - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene Told you to break up with Courtney and you didn't listen and now you're stuck with her forever SO SUCK IT! ''Big Old Buns ''Doug Wheeler - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum Blazing beef, and big old buns! Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-BUN-BUN! Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum BUN-BUN! ''Silent Love ''Gene and Courtney - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene (Courtney:) Attention, everbody, look at me, birthday girl talking! C'mon! Everyone! (Doug:) They make a cute couple, huh? (Bob:) They certainly are... standing next to each other. (Courtney:) Mr. Belcher! I said attention! (Bob:) He talked first... (Doug:) He asked me a question. (Courtney:) (sighs) (Bob:) No, I didn't. (Doug:) Well, you did too. (Courntey:) Um, okay. Anyway, Gene's written a love jingle about me and he's gonna perform it now! (slurps) (Gene:) This is more of an "extended jingle jam slash demo reel". I call it "Silent Love". (Courtney:) (laughs) (Gene:) When I close my eyes, then I cover my ears, It's almost like you are near It's a silent love! Shhh. (Courtney:) Silent love! (Gene:) Shhh! (Courtney: ) Silent love! (Gene:) No, seriously. Shhh! (Courtney:) Talkin' 'bout silent love! (Gene:) Stop singing! (Courtney:) All the ladies in the house now! Silent love! (Woman:) Silent love? (Gene:) (growls) (Courtney:) Gene! I did a "fellas in the house"! I can't do the ladies and not do the fellas! (Gene:) JUST BE QUIET!!! (Courtney:) LET ME SING!!! (Gene:) NO! IT'S NOT A DUET!!! (Courtney:) Silent love! (Gene:) (growls) (Courtney:) It's a sillent— (Gene:) YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!!! (Courtney:) What? (breathes) (Gene:) JUST STOP SINGING, STOP TALKING, STOP '''BREATHING!!!' (crowd gasps) (Courtney:) ''(stops breathing, faints) (ambulance siren) (Gene:) Do you think I've ruined her birthday? (Boy:) Nah! ''Silent Muffler ''Holly Schlesinger and Nora Smith - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene When I close my eyes and I cover my ears, It's almost like you're not here. It's a silent muffler! Shhh. A silent muffler! Shhh. (humming) (Announcer:) Now in four convenient locations! Shhh! (Singers:) A silent muffler! ''Linda and Louise Switch Roles ''Linda and Louise - Mother Daughter Laser Razor (Louise (spoken):) Hello, I'm Linda (sung:) And I want you to, clean your room So I'm singing this song, and I... (Linda:) But I'm not gonna clean my room, la-la la-la la-la (Louise:) Oh, you better clean your room 'cause I'm singing this song And you're gonna clean your room! (Linda:) I will never clean my room 'cause I'm so rebellious! No, I'm not gonna stop! ''The Harry Truman Song ''Linda - Mother Daughter Laser Razor Here goes the hair and there goes the hair And where is Harry Truman? He's dead in the ground, he's dead in the ground He’s dead, dead, dead, dead, dead! ''Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex ''Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach I'm a bad man with a master plan and the ladies call me Tex And the one thing all the ladies know is I'm good at having uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex I leave my shirt on, that's okay, don't make me feel self-conscious, babe Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex When you're done say that was fun, we might've made a little son I'm good at sex You're bad at sex, I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex, I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at se.... ''Elderly Prostitute ''Gene - Nude Beach Da, da, da, da, da, elderly prostitute Da, da, da, boo, ba, elderly prostitute ''Daddy ''Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach (Tommy:) This, uh, first song goes pretty deep. It's called "Daddy". (Bob:) Um, at least it's, uh, a family song. (Tommy:) Daddy! You abandoned me! Daddy! You sold drugs to me! Punches are not hugs to me! (Gene:) Ah, it's no "Elderly Prostitute". (Linda:) Bobby, you said you talked to him! (Bob:) Um, I did. Kinda. But then he wiped our record clean! (Tommy:) Daddy! You're my enemy! My enemy! (Teddy sobs) My enemy! (Tommy and Teddy:) You are my enemy! My enemy! (Tommy:) No, don't. (Teddy:) My enemy! Oh. Oh, sorry. (Tommy:) It's just me, just me. My enemy! You, you, you! ''The Itsy-Bitsy Stripper ''Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach The Itsy-Bitsy Stripper climbed up the brassy pole Down came her legs and wrapped around my soul Weave your web of your sexy web weave your sexy web around me Weave your web, weave your naughty web Around my body, my beautiful body My beautiful legs, my beautiful torso Weave that web around me ''Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex (reprise) ''Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach How we doin', Jimmy Pesto's?! I'm a bad man with a master plan and the ladies call me Tex And the one thing all the ladies know is I'm good at having uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh sex-sex-sex-sex-sex-sex-sex I'm good at sex, I'm good at sex I'm very, very, very, very good at sex I am good, you are good, too You're learning, little by little I'm guiding you with my hand and my arms I'm good at sex, you're learning quick Buckle It Up Bob, Tina, Gene, and Louise - My Fuzzy Valentine Buckle It Up, Buckle It Up. Buckle It Up, Or You'll Die!!! ''Two People ''Linda Belcher - My Fuzzy Valentine Two people, Together forever, Security in life Someone to love ya, Instead of being all alone, Such a lonely existence - I'd kill myself! (Teddy:) Tough song. She's talkin' about us, Mort. ''Love Mission ''Unknown - My Fuzzy Valentine Falafel (We're on a love mission) Pizza (We're on a love mission) All the rest (We're on a love mission) ''Can't Get Enough (Of Your Woman Stuff) ''Loren Bouchard and Nora Smith - Lindapendent Woman You're in a dancing mood And you're looking good So come on, let's go! The disco bumping And I'm feeling something Moving down below. Oh, I can't get enough of your woman stuff Oh, I can't get enough of your woman, your woman Your woman, woman stuff! ''First Day On the Job ''Linda - Lindapendent Woman I'm so freaking excited About my first day on the job Yeah! Linda Stocked Corn Linda - Lindapendent Woman Linda stocked corn and she don't care Linda stocked corn and she don't care Linda stocked corn and she don't care 'Cause she's also got diced tomatoes. Whoo! ''This is Working ''Linda and Bob Belcher - Lindapendent Woman (Linda:) Look at me I'm wrangling these carts, on my own (Bob:) Look at me I'm chopping up this lettuce, all alone (Linda:) I'm at work and you can hear me sing (Both:) This is working, this is working (Both:) This is working, this is working ''Funky Finger ''Loren Bouchard and John Dylan Keith - Lindapendent Woman Who got the funky finger? (x9) Electric Love Calvin Fischoeder and Gayle - Topsy (Gene:) All right! Let's show these people that if it ain't man-on-elephant love, it ain't worth singin' about! (Mr. Dinkler:) (clears throat) Attention, everyone, we have a very special treat for you. It's a musical re-imagine-actenment of the very uplifting story of Thomas Edison and Topsy the elephant! (Fischoeder:) They say Thomas Edison, he's the man to get us Into this century, and that man is me (Gayle:) They'll say "Aw, Topsy!" at my autopsy And no one could be, more shocked than me (Fischoeder:)But I never noticed the curve of her trunk (Gayle:) And I never noticed his electric junk (Both:) We might just have found Electric love Electric love Electric love Electric love ((Choir:)First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love) Electric love (First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love) Fits like a glove (Louise:) This is what really happened, people! THIS MAN, THOMAS EDISON, SENTENCED TOPSY, THAT BEAUTIFUL ELEPHANT, TO DIE BY ELECTROCUTION!!! HA HA HA HA!! (Bob:) Uh-oh. (Louise:) HERE'S YOUR HERO, DINKLER! '''HIT IT!!!' (Teddy:) ''Is that you, Louise? (Louise:) HIT IT!!! (Teddy:) I've been down here so long. What's it like out there? Are people still the same with their funny ways? (Louise:) TEDDY, HIT IT!!!! (Teddy:) Oh, right, the thing we're doin'. (electricity crackles, Tina hyperventilates) (Linda:) Oh! (Bob:) TINA!!! (Louise:) TINA!!! (Gene:) Tina? (dramatic music) (Tina:) I'm okay. (Bob:) Oh, thank God! (Linda:) Oh! Oh, God! (Louise:) Oof! (Tina:) I thought we weren't doing the death scene, but I saw the sparks and went with it. Was I convincing? (Bob:) Yes. Very. (Louise:) Oh my God! I almost electrocuted my sister! I've become Edison. (Mr. Dinkler:) Oh, you wish! So he electrocuted animals, so what?! As if everyone here's so perfect! (sobs) (Linda:) Coulda asked ''me to sing, but whatever. I coulda sung it.'' (Bob:) Louise, is there something you wanna say to your sister? (Louise:) Tina, I'm really sorry I wanted to kill you. I got carried away with the Dinkler thing. Which worked out pretty well, but still, I shouldn't have almost killed you. (Tina:) It's okay. This is how Topsy would've wanted it. But with more trampling people. (Louise:) And, Gene, I'm sorry to you, too. Your song was really good. (Gene:) I know. And without a single fart sound. OH MY GOD, I FORGOT THE FART SOUNDS!! (Fischoeder and Gayle:) Electric love Electric love Electric love Electric love ((Choir:)First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love) Electric love (First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love) Fits like a glove ''T.I.N.A. ''Jimmy Pesto, Jr. - Two for Tina T is for the way you take my breath away I is for the way I like it when you take my breath away N is for no one else takes my breath away and A is for Asthma that is a disease that takes people's breath away! (Tina:) Oh, that's nice, 'cause you're a horse. ''Going to Florida ''Linda - It Snakes a Village Going to Florida Going to Florida Sunshiney, Florida now-ow Going to Florida Florida, Florida Everyone's going somehow Going to Florida Tropical Florida Manatees Florida now. ''Dirty Ducks ''Unknown - It Snakes a Village Dirty ducks (Dirty ducks) Dirty ducks (Quack, quack) ''The Snake Song ''Gene - It Snakes a Village I'm not afraid of ghosts I'm not afraid of sharks I'm not afraid of cancer I'm just afraid of snakes They really creep me out Where are their arms and legs? It's not okay! (repeat with male chorus) Oh, Bitsy, baby Bitsy, I'm gonna miss ya ''Fracas Foam ''Loren Bouchard & Jim Dauterive - Family Fracas Pizza game, talking trash Spinning the wheel Fracas foam, get foamed at home There's Jimmy Pesto, he's so mad Fracas foam, get foamed at home Jimmy's so mad No minivan for you ''Girls Being Girls ''Gene - The Kids Run the Restaurant Girls, being girls, being girls, being girls, girl group ''The Kids Run the Restaurant ''Linda - The Kids Run the Restaurant (spoken:) Hit it. Oh, he did. (sung:) When Bob sees blood and screams and passes out Then Mr. Fisch checks in and cashes out What more do you want when kids run the restaurant? (spoken:) Hey, sailor. Ooh, nice pants. (sung:) Marshmallow played a game of Surgery Sam And all this 'cause Bob cut his hand What more do you want when kids run the restaurant? ''Coal Mine ''Boyz4Now - Boyz 4 Now (Allen:) I'm mining the cave for love (Boo Boo:) Don't care about the world above (Griffin:) Down here it's dark and cold (Matt:) I'm just looking for a nugget of gold (Griffin:) My hat is hard but my heart is soft (Matt:) It's dusty down here and so I cough (All:) It's a dirty job but I ain't stoppin' (Griffin:) I know I'm breathin' toxins but you're lookin' foxin' (Allen:) Will you be mine? (All:) Coal mine (Allen:) Will you be mine? (All:) Diamond mine I'll pick you, can our love begin Tell me now before my heart caves in (Allen:) Will you be mine? (Autotuned) Diamond miiiiiiiinnnne! ''I Wanna Hear Your Secrets ''Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now I wanna hear your secrets, I'm so interested in you What did you have for lunch today? Tell me breakfast, too Which friend are you mad at, girl? What size are your shoes? You just went to the bathroom, number one or number two? I want to know everything, everything 'bout you I wanna hear your secrets I'm so interested in you Even if it's not a secret Tell me that stuff, too Details, I wanna know details, what's your dad's name? Details, and your mom's Details, any allergies? Details, how was prom? Interesting, so interesting. ''Whisper In Your Eyes ''Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now I need to show you a secret, it's gonna be a surprise Come a little bit closer, let me whisper in your eyes When I whisper in your eyes, don't think, don't blink Hey, girl, shh, shush. Close your lips and open your eyes. I want your eyes to hear my lips and also my eyes. I want your lips and your eyes to come together as one so that your eyes can see your lips and that your lips can kiss your eyes and vice versa. And when lip-eyes come together in that type of direction and place, you can see my lips and my lips can see your eyes and... Pretty much that's what's gonna happen between the two of us, and then your lip-eyes will see the sun come up and we'll love the sun in the mornin' together. And then one day, our lip-eyes will see... the nighttime. Even though that it's dark, you'll still be able to see the... the moon... with your lip-eyes. ''Tell Me About Every Single Time You've Cried ''Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now Tell me About every single time you've cried The first time, oh, when your goldfish died ''Big Boy Head to Feet ''Boyz4Now - Boyz 4 Now (Matt, Griffin, Allen:) Gettin' into your booster seat From your big boy head to your big boy feet Gettin' into your booster seat From your big boy head to your big boy feet (Boo Boo:) From my big boy head to my big boy feet ''I've Got a Yum Yum ''Linda, boys, girls - Carpe Museum (Bob:) You do realize you almost made Rudy die. (Louise:) Almost dyin' is the best part of livin'. It's called "almost lived dyin'". (Bob:) Huh. So when you run the restaurant, will you call it Louise's Burgers? (Louise:) I 'unno. Maybe. Daddy. (Linda:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, boom, boom, boom (Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, boom, boom, boom (Linda:) Weeda, weeda, weina, weina, weina, wang (Boys and Girls:) Weeda, weeda, weina, weina, weina, wang (Linda:) Boys are from Mars, Girls are from Venus, I've got a yum-yum, you've got a penis (Boys:)Boys are from Mars (Girls:) Girls are from Venus (Boys and Girls:) I've got a yum-yum, you've got a penis (Linda:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, wang (Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, wang (Linda:) Weeda, weeda, weina, boom, boom, boom (Boys and Girls:) Weeda, weeda, weina, boom, boom, boom (Linda:) Chaka, weina, wang, weina, chaka, weina (Boys and Girls:) Chaka, weina, wang, weina, chaka, weina (Linda:) Boom, chaka, wang, weina, boom, boom (Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, wang, weina, boom, boom (Linda:) Shake your hips, wiggle your butt Drop your pants, pick 'em back up Weeda, weeda, weina, chaka, weeda, weeda, weina, chaka Weeda, weeda, weina, chaka, weeda, weeda ''It's Electric ''Unknown, Tina - The Unnatural You can't see it It's electric! (Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie You gotta feel it It's electric! Ooh, it's shakin' It's electric! (Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie ????????????????????? She sure got the boogie Now you can't hold it It's electric! (Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie Season 4 ''We're Coming For Ya ''Loren Bouchard & John Dylan Keith - A River Runs Through Bob (Linda:) What do we do?! The kids must be worried sick about us! (Bob:) We need to go straight across! (Linda:) Are you sure, Bobby? (Bob:) Yes, I'm sure! The right way is... that way? That might not have sounded like I'm sure, but I'm sure. (Linda:) All right. You're the Nature Master. We're comin' for ya, kids! (Tina:) We're comin' for ya, Mom and Dad! (The kids:) (screaming) (Singers:) Kids, we're coming for you Underwear, flying in the air We're coming for you, now we're falling We're snacking and tubing and laughing and splashing and craaaaaaaaawling (Bob:) Oh, Linda! (groans) (Linda:) Oh, so hungry, Bobby! Oh my God I ate an ant! Oh my God I just ate another one! (Bob:) Lin, what are you doin'? (Linda:) (eating noises) They're not bad. ''Thundergirls skit song ''Thundergirls troop leader and Thundergirls - A River Runs Through Bob Rain, rain flash, flash Thundergirls wear a Thunder, uhh, sash. ''Tina's Thundergirl Song ''Tina Belcher - A River Runs Through Bob (Sample from Thundergirls skit song) Honor, friendship, trust, integrity french braids, sunscreen, skits and jellybeans (repeat sample) Tundergirls are vowed to sing this song of nature, friends and things. (spoken:) I'll be a thundergirl, till I'm six feet under-girl, uhh, that's right, I'll be a Thundergirl! Candy Randy Unknown - Fort Night Who's that guy? He knows all the sweets Who's that guy? He mapped out the streets Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy It's my favorite blog Just don't tell my mom. ''Quicky Kiss It ''Loren Bouchard - Seaplane! Quicky Kiss-it Quicky Kiss-it Quicky Kiss-it Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah Quicky Kiss-it Whoo! Quicky Kiss-it She's kissin', she's kissin' She's kissin' so quick Quicky Kiss-it Ooh! Quicky Kiss-it Uh-huh, Quicky Kiss-it Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah Quicky Kiss-it, Uh-huh, Quicky Kiss-it Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah ''Sneaky Pete ''Nora Smith & Loren Bouchard - My Big Fat Greek Bob He is freaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky Pete He's unique-y, nique-y, nique-y Sneaky Pete Make you shrieky, shrieky, shrieky Sneaky Pete Ah-ah, Sneaky Sneaky Pete He is freaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky Pete He's unique-y, nique-y, nique-y Sneaky Pete Make you shrieky, shrieky, shrieky Sneaky Pete. Gravy Boat Gayle and Linda - Turkey in a Can (Gayle:) A-ding, a-ding (Linda:) A-what's that sound? (Gayle:) It's the gravy boat (Gayle and Linda:) A-comin' around (Gayle:) It's not a navy boat (Linda:) It's the gravy boat (Gayle and Linda:) Filled with bravery, savory, sailor folk (Gayle:) Stuffing sailors, disembark (Gayle and Linda:) Fill our plates and fill our hearts Sailors in your mouth, sailors in your mouth That's what Thanksgiving is all about. ''We Won the Talent Show ''Bad Hair Day- Purple Rain-Union (Emcee:) Hello, alumni of Cardinal Gennaro High! I hope everyone's having a good time! And if you're not, I'd like to see ''you organize something on this budget! In this timeframe! It's been really hard!'' (Linda:) All right! We're about to go on! So, setlist! We'll start with "We're the Ta Tas", and then we'll go right into "You Were All Wrong About Us", and then "Oh Boy You All Got So Fat"— (Gayle:) And then ''my song?'' (Linda:) Yeah yeah yeah, if we have time. Everybody ready? Feel pumped? Do you feel pumped? (Musician:) I feel bloated. (Linda:) Good! Use it! (Emcee:) So yeah. Divorce is hard. But you know what? Ya get up in the morning and you— What? (gasps) Oh my goodness! Recent developments to announce! We thought they couldn't come, but they're here! Our very own Bad Hair Day? (Bob:) What? (Linda:) Gah! (Lead Singer:) We're back where we started! It's like the talent show all over again, huh?! First place, took home the gold! And then our next gold WAS A GOLD RECORD! (Lead Guitarist:) (laughs) (Lead Singer:) Got a Ph. D. in rock and roll! Got an Honorary Doctorate in never gettin' old! My day job is stayin' up all night! My hobby is bein' impolite! My memory is my guitar! My friends are all my seven cars! I've done home runs with all my aunts! I've never had a menstrual cramp! (Lead Singer and Lead Guitarist:) But, yeah, life's so great! We made lots of dough! We sleep all day! (Lead Singer:) Cuz we won the talent show! Got a G.E.D. in bein' mean! Lookin' at my horse and makin' it rain! My Bachelor's in breakin' stuff! My Associate's in talkin' tough! I've never had to change my pants! I've never moisturized my hands! indistinct 101! I went on a mountain in Vermont! Thank you, little people! We're not gonna stay and mingle! (Lead Guitarist): Good night! (Lead Singer:) Woo! Good luck, Taters! (Linda:) Ta Tas! (Lead Singer:) Right right right. ''We're the Ta Ta's ''The Ta Tas - Purple Rain-Union We're the Ta-Ta's and we're gonna rock ya We like to cha-cha and eat frittatas Derek Dematopolis Gayle and Linda - Purple Rain-union Derek Dematopolis Your neck hair makes me weak. Won’t you enter my Acropolis and make my yogurt Greek? Derek. Derek. Let’s you and me make a we-union. Derek. Derek. Let’s you and me make a we-union. To-night. To-night. To-night. To-night. Not Bad for Having Three Kids The Ta Tas - Purple Rain-Union (Linda:) Yeah! Let's rock! I've still got my (Linda and Gayle:) sexy parts! (Linda:) Still I've got (Linda and Gayle:) two out of five! (Linda:) I've still got (Linda and Gayle:) two out of five! (Linda:) I've still got my sexy parts! Still I've got two out of five! (Gayle:) She's still got two out of five! (Linda:) You know it! (Linda:) This is down here but it should be up there This is kind of loose and I think it might tear (Linda:) This is lumpy ((Gayle and Angie:) Yeah it’s lumpy) (Linda:) This is saggy ((Gayle and Angie:) Yeah it’s flabby) When I bend down I pee a little bit But it’s not bad, not bad for having three kids! ((Gayle:) Or three cats!) ((Gayle and Angie:) Not bad for having three kids! ((Angie:) Drum, pop, drum, pop ((Gayle and Angie:) Not bad for having three kids! ''Jingle in the Jungle ''Steven Davis and Kelvin Yu - Christmas in the Car Hoo, ha, hoo, ha (animal screeching) Hoo, ha, hoo, ha Jingle in the jungle, hope you bringle me a bundle Tingle on my tingle Santa, bring my favorite thingles Some mittens for the monkeys but make sure they're pretty funky Some leggings for the lion, but remember he's size nine Frogs and gators and monkeys immense Everybody jingle to the jungle dance We have candles and lights and jingle Slumber Party Fashion Show Loren Bouchard & Nora Smith - Slumber Party Slumber party fashion show Lookin’ good from head to toe Slumber party fashion show Lookin’ good from head to toe Slumber party fashion show Lookin’ good from head to toe Slumber party fashion show Ooh! Ah Ooh! Ah Ooh! Ah Ooh! Ah It’s Not Magic, It’s Tragic Loren Bouchard - Presto Tina-o It’s not magic, it’s tragic. Ooh, she’ll take the straitjacket. It’s not magic, it’s tragic. (scatting) It’s not magic, it’s tragic. Ooh, she’ll take the straitjacket. Abracadabra-ca-dab! ''Gas Class ''Gene - The Frond Files Gas class! You wanna pass gas class? You gotta pass gas ''The Fart Song ''Wagstaff School students - The Frond Files (Mr. Frond): You come outta there right now! (Gene:) Oh, I'm not coming out! But ''this is!'' When you feel like school has sucked the wind out of your sails Remember that it's cool, to use the wind that's in your tails (Gene:) Fart, fart, fart Fart, fart, fart, fart Every fart is a work of art Don't know where to begin? Don't know where to start? Farts will set you free (All:) It's that gas from your ass, it's that toot from your boot That hum from your bum, it's that loot in your chute All that air from your own derriere Come on and set it free 'Cause farts are liberty (Gene:) What do we want to do? (All:) Fart, fart! (Gene:) Open up your butt cheeks (All:) This is how our butts speak. (Gene:) Let's go, (All:) Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart! (All:) It's that gas from your ass, it's that toot from your boot That hum from your bum, it's that loot in your chute All that air from your own derriere Come on and set it free 'Cause farts are liberty 'Cause farts will Set you Free! (Linda:) (sobs) (Bob:) Are you crying? (Linda:) It's so beautiful. His farts set them free. He's a hero, don't you get it? ''Tammy ''Unknown - Mazel-Tina She's Tammy, she's glammy, she's just a little hammy If she sang a song right now she'd probably win a Grammy You know who I'm talking of So why don't you all say mazel tov, Tammy, yeah. 'Chugga Chugga, Choo Choo, Happy Birthday To You' Wine Rail employees - The Kids Rob a Train Everybody watch your backs the birthday train is on the tracks Put some wine in your glass, 'cause your life is moving fast So drink your day away ''"The Equestranauts" Theme Song ''The Belcher Family and Teddy (Bob:) Hey, Tina, you must be enjoying having Chariot ba— Hey, what's going on? (Tina:) I'm packing up Chariot. (Bob:) What? Why? (Tina:) Oh, I'm just getting a little old to play with dolls, you know. But... thanks for... getting her back. Hooray. (Bob:) Tina? (Tina:) What? (Bob:) Play with the doll. (Tina:) But I'm too old to— (Bob:) TINA, PLAY WITH THE DOLL!!! (Linda:) Play with the doll, Tina! Come on! Do what Daddy says! (Bob:) PLAY WITH IT!!!! (Tina:) Okay, I'll— Neigh. (Bob:) Make it jump! (Tina:) Um, well, D— She doesn't jump. (Bob:) I KNOW IT DOESN'T JUMP!! You know how I know that?'' (Tina:) Cause—'' (Bob:) 'CAUSE I READ 1200 PAGES OF EQUESTRENAUT CRAP!!!' (Tina:) ''Uhh... (Bob:) Keep playing with it! (Tina:) Okay, uhhh. Goodnight. (Bob:) Goodnight. A bond of friendship, greater than any force in the universe, A bond of friendship, greater than any force in the universe Mini and Peggy-sis, flying in clouds so high Headhorn and Chariot, come to my place tonight Equestranauts, we're brothers forever Equestranauts, we're bonded together Bonded together, Equestranauts Equestranauts ''Something Smells Fishy ''Linda - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I) You're a little fish Calvin's a big fish Something smells fishy La, la, la ''Mr. Dancefloor ''Fanny - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I) and World Wharf II: The Wharfening (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part II) Who's that knocking on my door? Ooh it's Mr. Dancefloor Everyone is/Everybody's looking fancy Things are about to get dancy ''Nice Things Are Nice ''Bob, Calvin Fischoeder, Fanny, Linda, Tina, Gene and Louise - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I) (Bob:) I know you're already a wealthy-ish guy But think of what that condo money could buy And I'd open up Bob's Beach Burgers and Fries Oh, nice things are nice (Calvin (spoken):) Uh-uh, not interested (Bob:) Your own private island, a million eye patches ((Calvin:)No, I don't think so) A gold swimming pool l to hold all of your cashes (No, sorry, Bob) I'd hire real waiters who all have mustaches (No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no) Oh, nice things are nice (Fanny:) Soon you will see just how nice life can be When you start raking in condo people's money (Linda) Ooh, I love this dress, does it come In size three? (Fanny (Spoken):) Uh-uh. (Linda (Spoken):) Okay, six? (Fanny (Spoken):) Uh-uh. (Linda (Spoken):) Okay, ten? (Fanny:)Oh, nice things are nice (Tina:) I'm chained to Mr. Goiter ((Gene and Louise)La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la) In hopes that they don't destroy her (La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la) Okay, it's not a her, but I really really wanted it to rhyme (La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaa) (Bob:) A legion of servants, all at your command An army of tigers, like you always planned (Calvin:) I could buy my own missiles to launch at Englaa (spoken:)ahah, nevermind, I'm not telling. (Bob:) My sophisticated burgers they would understand. (Bob and Calvin:) Oh, nice things are nice (Waiter): You guys! 'Scuse me! There's no singing in here. (Bob:) Oh. (Waiter:) Thank you. (Bob:) Sorry. (Mr. Fischoeder:) Sorry. (Bob:) Terrible. (Waiter:) Thank you. (Bob:) Got carried away. ''Wharf of Wonder ''Linda - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I) Wonder Wharf, wharf of wonder This won't end Till Bob's six feet under He wanted things that were nice But will he pay the ultimate price? Wonder Wharf, Wonder Wharf ''Bad Things Are Bad ''Bob, Calvin, Linda, Andy Pesto, Zeke, Tammy Larsen, Randy Watkins, Regular Sized Rudy, Jimmy Pesto, Jr., Gene, Teddy, Felix and Fanny - World Wharf II: The Wharfening (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part II) (Mr. Fischoeder:) Where's your family, Bob? Why aren't they looking for us?! (Bob:) I don't know! Maybe they didn't get our text! (Mr. Fischoeder:) Well, things are bad, Bob. Things are very bad. (Bob:) I never thought this is how I would go ((Calvin:) Ooh) Here under the pier tied to Mr. Fischoe... ...Der, but looks like Linda will be a widow (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Oh, bad things are bad (Linda:)I fear that my Bob's in a terrible place (Andy:) Maybe you'll find him inside Of this vase (Zeke:) Maybe a lion is eating his face? (Tammy:) Oh, bad things are bad (Randy:) Maybe your Dad was tied up by a sailor? (Rudy:) I'll help you look after I pump this inhaler (Jimmy, Jr.:) Check out my pants, they are perfectly tailored (Tina (spoken):) Oh, yeah, nice. (Jimmy, Jr.(spoken):) Thanks. (Gene:) Oh, bad things are bad (Teddy:) Oh, I wish that Bob would come back I could really use a big snack Okay, it's not a burger but I'll just pretend it is and maybe cry (Felix:) I did what I had to, I have no regrets I murdered my brother for power and sex What's this weird feeling inside of my chest? (Fanny:) Why do you keep not looking at my breasts? (Felix:) Oh, bad things are bad (Bob:) Farewell, cruel world, looks like I'll die alone (Calvin:) If only you'd purchased a better cell phone (Bob:) And now I'll never know who wins Game of Thrones (Bob and Calvin:) Oh Things are bad! 'Season 5' ''Leaves ''Peter Pescadero - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl Red, yellow, orange and brown Are on the tree then they fall down Nakatomi Gene - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Na..... ''Katharine Parker ''Tina - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl I'm Katharine Parker and I'm super rich And soon you will find that I'm quite a bleep ''Business Man With a Business Plan ''Jimmy, Jr. - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl I'm a business man with a business plan I need a business woman with some business hands ''John and Al ''Regular Sized Rudy and Zeke - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl (Rudy:) Why did you throw that corpse on my car? (Zeke:) 'Cause I'm inviting you to the party, pal Think we're gonna be great pals (Both:) Al and John, John and Al ''Die Hard / Working Girl Musical Medley ''Various - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl (Linda:) (whispering loudly) My son's doing ''Die Hard: The Musical in the basement! It's a competing musical! It's competing with this one right now!'' (Audience member:) Shh! (Linda:) (whispering loudly) Ah, you're jealous! (Audience member:) Shh! (Jocelyn, Julie and Rupa:) This is a boat, a boat that is a ferry Ferry on the water, Staten Island Ferry (Courtney:) I'm a working girl, a workin' working girl, I'm a girl who's working I work in New York City (Gene:) All aboard the plane from New York to Los Angeles! (plane sounds) Thanks, Argyle! Boy, that guy on the airplane was right about taking my shoes off! I'm a barefoot cop, oh.... (Courtney:) Coffee, coffee, coffee's all I get ((Jocelyn and Julie:)Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee) How'm I gonna get ahead (Coffee, coffee) (Gene:) I'm Grubin', I'm Hans Gruber and I'm Grubin' And sometimes that can mean shootin', Mr. Takagi in the head (Tina:) Hey, this is Katherine, you work for me I've broken my leg while trying to ski Do me a favor and fill in for me Even though I stole your radio deal idea For Trask Industries (Courtney:) You did what?! (Gene:) Fight scene, fight scene, we're gonna have a fight scene (grunting) (Bob:) Oh my God! (Linda:) Uh, excuse me. Uh, excuse me. I know, right? He's magnificent! Oh, it's warm in here! Hey, did Louise charge you five bucks? (Bob:) Yes. (Linda:) Alright! (Courtney:) I have a head for business and a bod for sin (Jimmy, Jr.) Well I want both, so count me in! (Gene:) Oh, the life of the wife of a cop Makes my head spin around like a top He's always (inaudible under speech) (Louise:) Hey hey! Five bucks! (Doug:) What's going on?! (Courtney:) You're doing your ''Die Hard musical?! Oh, I love the Holly Gennero McClane number!'' I'm Holly Gennero McClane That Johnny McClane's driving this gal insane Oh, the life of the wife of a cop ''Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl ''Full Company featuring Carly Simon - Work Hard or Die Trying Girl (Gene:) So I dunno if we can pull this off. I mean, we wrote and rehearsed it in under twenty minutes, but, if we do, it's because we did it together. All of us. (Zeke:) That's exactly what people say before they make a baby I think! (Gene:) Okay, well, without any further ado, we present to you the musical rom-com slash action thriller, ''Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl!'' (Courtney:) Oh, no! We're a bunch of secretaries from New York held hostage in Nakatomi Towers! (Louise:) Shush! I'm Karl, da one with beautiful hair! (Gene:) I'm Hans Gruber! Consider yourself grubed! (Courtney:) Tess McGill can't let a bunch of terrorists ruin her dream! (Jocelyn:) I hope the police come soon! (Zeke:) Ouch! Glass hurt John McClane's feet! (Andy:) I'm Agent Johnson (Ollie:) And I'm Agent Johnson (Both:) And we're from the FBI (Andy:) I'm Johnson (Ollie:) He's Johnson! (Andy:) He's Johnson (Ollie:) I'm Johnson! (Both:) Two fancy-footed federal guys (Regular Sized Rudy:) I might just be a local cop, but will you guys back off me? (Jocelyn:) Things are getting pretty tense, does anybody want coffee? (Courtney:) You know, we're not so different, you and I. We're both ambitious, Hans! (Gene:) Tess McGill, you've stolen this Gruber's heart. (Courtney and Gene:) Like I'm stealing these bearer bonds. (Darryl): I cracked the cooooooooooooode! So here's the bearer bonds, which is the same as money I guess. (Gene:) Hey, let's make that radio deal! Hip hop? (Courtney:) Hip hop! (Hip hop music plays) (Gene:) Mmwah! (Courtney:) (whispering) That's not in the script! (Gene:) (whispering) Just go with it! They love it! (Courtney:) (unknown sound) (Gene:) (whispering) Is that two rows of teeth I'm feeling? (Courtney:) (whispering) My baby teeth never fell out. (Tina:) And Jack Trainer and I are a couple now as well, so that's good. (Jimmy Jr.:) Hip hop! Hip hop! (Zeke:) Hans, you're feeling love's great power But now I gotta push you off the tower! Come here! I'm gon' gitcha! Come on! (Gene:) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Louise:) I'm so mad about my brother so I kill you about it! (Regular Sized Rudy:) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Louise:) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! (Zeke:) Thanks, Al! (Courtney:) If only there was a place where we could all be happy and not get killed. (Cast:) Maybe there's a tower, somewhere up above Filled with bearer bonds and love, where dreams don't die hard Maybe there's a tower, somewhere up above Filled with shoulder pads and love Where dreams can fly hard (Courtney and Gene:) But until we can live in that imaginary world We'll work hard or die trying, girl. (Applause) (Linda:) Yes! Yes! Woo! (Bob:) Oh my god! Carly Simon? ("Not" Carly Simon:) Who? (Bob:) Oh, sorry. (stammers) You look like Carly Simon. ("Not" Carly Simon:) You look like Carly Simon. (Bob:) It's a compliment. ("Not" Carly Simon:) Back off! (Bob:) Sorry. Jeez. (Gene:) I smell a Tony! Which is also what happens to be what I call my farts. (Cast:) Work hard! Or die trying, girl! (Carly Simon:) Ooooh.... (Carly Simon and cast:) You work hard you die hard! (Cast:) Work hard! (Gene:) Work hard! (Carly Simon:) Ohhhhhhh... (Cast:) Or die trying, girl! (Carly Simon and Zeke:) You work hard you try hard! (Cast:) Work hard! ((Carly Simon:) Ooooooooooooh...)) (Cast:) Or die trying, girl! (Gene:) Yeah! (Carly Simon and cast:) You work hard you die hard! (Cast:) Work hard! (Carly Simon:) No, no, no, no, no, work haaaaaaaaaaaard ((Cast:) Or die trying, girl!) ''Your Best Friend ''Linda and Teddy - Friends with Burger-fits (Linda:) He crashes on your couch when he loses his job A guy pulls a knife, and you jump in front You take the blade right in the gut! Ow! Then he holds your hand till the medic comes You feed him soup when he breaks his jaw You help him pee when he has that thing He's your best friend. (Teddy:) He crashes on your couch when he loses his job He helps you pee when you've got that thing He's your best friend (Both:) Your best friend! ''Christmas Magic ''Linda and Teddy - Father of the Bob (Linda:) Christmas magic (Teddy:) Christmas magic (Linda:) This time of year (Teddy:) This time of year (Linda:) And all the cold hungry people (Teddy:) All those cold hungry people (Linda:) They're dying in the streets (Teddy:) They're dying in the streets (Linda:) Me and my family will be warm tonight ''Happy Crappy Place ''Bob, Linda, Louise Belcher and Plants - Late Afternoon in the Garden of Bob & Louise (Bob:) Tomatoes and sweet peas and green beans It's a dream come true (Linda:) I wanna take her stupid neck And wring it (Louise:) That's what I want to do, too, but with him (Bob:) The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb (Linda and Louise:) How did we ever get stuck with these bums? The restaurants now a crappy place (Bob:) I think I found my happy place I'm like a British Lady in my garden And my plants agree (Plants:) Mm-hmm! (Louise:) He's the most annoying person that was ever born (Linda:) Oh, God, she brought her own tea (Bob:) I'm the world's greatest farmer Things are growing so well (Linda and Louise:) We're living in our own personal hell The restaurant's now a crappy place (Bob:) I think I found my happy (Linda and Louise:) The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy (Bob:) Happy, happy, happy, happy Place. ''Darryl's Slow Jam ''Darryl - Can't Buy Me Math Girl I wish you were in all my classes (Classes) And when we kiss We hit our glasses (Glasses) Now let's slow dance Like molasses (Molasses) Like mo-oh-oh-la-a-a-a-a-a-asses Thank you, good night! ''Millie's School Anthem ''Wagstaff School choir - The Millie-Churian Candidate Millie and Louise (x4) Millie and Louise Overture Wagstaff School marching band - The Millie-Churian Candidate Instrumental I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto Jimmy Pesto, Jr., Gene, Tina, Louise and Zeke - The Millie-Churian Candidate (Ms. LaBonz:) Before we begin, we have a message from one of the candidates for student body president. (students groan) (Ms. LaBonz:) Settle down. It's not Henry Haber. (Jimmy, Jr.:) I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto You know I am the best-o I'm cooler than the rest-o (Gene(spoken):) He wrote the hot guy manifesto (Gene, Tina, Louise, Zeke:) We wish we were Jimmy, Jr. Pesto (Jimmy, Jr.(spoken):) Key change (Jimmy, Jr.:) I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto You know me from the vest-o And I'm on the questo-o (Tina(spoken):) To be the president-o (Jimmy, Jr.:) You wish you were Jimmy, Jr. Pesto Let's do this! (screams) (Student:) Oh, barf! (Ms. LaBonz:) I wanna slap that kid. (Student:) I know, right? ''The Sheriff Had a Piggy ''Linda - The Gayle Tales (Gene:) A one, a two, a one two three four! (Linda:) Oh, the sheriff had a piggy and he was mighty mad He saw me a-coming and my wiener he did grab Now I can't quit cryin' and life just ain't no fun 'Cause a fat dog ate my hot dog and I got nothin' but the bun Yeehaw! (Louise:) Wow. Wowee wow wow wow. ''Lipstick on his Pickup ''Gayle - The Gayle Tales (Man:) Gayle! Come clean up this throw-up! (Gayle:) There's lipstick on his pickup, there's mascara on the wheels I looked inside the glove box and I found a red high heel (Gene:) Well, pinch my loaf! That girl can sing! ''I'll Trade You These Tears ''Linda - The Gayle Tales (Linda:) Psst! Hey! Stage girl! (Tina:) Yes? (Linda:) I need you to put a rattlesnake in someone's guitar for me. (Tina:) Yes, ma'am. (Linda:) I'll trade you these tears for a couple of beers and this snot for a shot of whiskey I'll trade you these lips for a couple of sips but you better not get too frisky ''I Won't Go Solo on You ''Gayle and Gene - The Gayle Tales (Emcee:) Let's hear it for Lindette! Now a brand new duo! He used to be Lindette's partner, and she used to be a waitress who cleaned up throw-ups. Let's give a big Nashville welcome to Gayle and Jo-Gene! (Gene:) We call this one "I Won't Go Solo on You!" (Gayle:) Well, I got to use the restroom but there ain't a stall for two So squeeze on in and don't breathe in 'cause I won't go solo on you (rattlesnake hisses) (Gayle:) Um, I think there's a snake in my guitar. (Gene:) Use it! Well, I'd like to eat spaghetti but you want vindaloo So I'll leave in a hurry and order some curry 'cause I won't go solo on you (Both:) Oh, You and me we're together through and through So if you move to China, I'll be right behind ya 'Cause I won't go solo on you Yeehaw! (Emcee:) And the winner is: Gayle and Jo-Gene and that wacky snake! ''Ring, Ring ''Tina - Li'l Hard Dad Ring, ring, who's this calling on the phone? It's the Wild, is anybody home? ''Shimmy Tap ''Linda - Li'l Hard Dad And a tap and a tap and a tap-tap-tap And we're tapping and we're spinning and we're spinning and we're tapping And a shimmy tap, a shimmy tap A scooby tap, a scooby tap, a wiggle tap, a jiggle tap And a shibba-dabba, shibba-dabba scooba-dooba-doo And no one's even looking at you, what you didn't do And a-scabba-dooba-scabba-dooba, scabba-dooba-day And the book report's over, and you got yourself an "A"! ''The Call of the Wild ''Linda - Li'l Hard Dad Up here in the Klondike, it can get pretty cold The other dogs are looking fierce so it's time to get bold But when life gets tough, well, you just got to smile And better answer that phone 'cause it's the call of the wild! ''Date Night ''Linda - Adventures in Chinchilla-Sitting (Bob:) You know, me and your mom cheated at trivia tonight. (Louise:) Really? (Bob:) Yup. Impressed? (Louise:) What's wrong with you? You took her to trivia? Sounds like you cheated Mom out of a date. (Bob:) There's my girl. (Linda:) Date night tonight, gonna go out, get some food Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit, la, yeah Date night tonight, yeah, gonna go out, get some food Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit Gonna go out, get some food Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit, la, yeah (It's just what we do) Date night, date night, date night, gonna go out ''Don't You Love Cotton Candy ''John Roberts - The Runway Club (Frond:) Maybe I ''did rehabilitate you kids after all.'' (Tina:) Yeah, maybe. (Louise:) Ugh! I missed you, outside world! What year is it?! (Gene:) To the candy! That's made of cotton! (Frond:) Omigod! It's Principal Spores! All the kids are gone! Omigod! FIRE!!!! FIRE!!!! Don't you love cotton candy? It's made of cotton and also candy If your fingers get sticky Eat off your hand, lickety-licky Don't you love cotton candy? Ah, don't, don't, don't, don't Don't you love cotton candy? Oh, yeah ''I Want Some Burgers and Fries ''Tina, Gene and Louise - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee (Gene:) I want some burgers and fries, I want some burgers and fries Well, there's some right here (Tina and Louise:) Don't you tell me no lies! ''His Name is Lenny ''Darryl - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee (Gene:) Guys, I wrote a song for Lenny's party! Darryl, here are the lyrics. (Darryl:) "His name is Lenny, it is not Jenny. One time he ate a penny, and he thought nobody saw." Is that true? (Gene:) True enough. I changed the name of the guy who ate the penny from Gene to Lenny, and it was a nickel. And two pennies. And a tiny rock. All right. Follow my lead. (Darryl:) His name is Lenny... (clears throat) You know what? This key isn't working for me. Can we try it in E or D-flat? (Gene:) No can do. (Darryl:) Why not? (Gene:) Cause, no know how to do. I can only play in this key. (plays chord) And I don't know which letter that is.'' (recorder plays) (Darryl:) Yeah, that's it! Here! Lemme see! (Gene:) Uhhhh... (Darryl:) (scats) His name is Lenny, it is not Jenny One time he ate a penny, and he thought nobody saw (Tina:) Are we playing in the right key? (Louise:) Oh, yeah! (Peter and Rudy:) Whoa! (Gene:) (chuckles) Well, that was a mess! Let's not do that again! Never! Right, guys? Uh, okay, all agreed. Ms. Merkin Plays Gene Out Ms. Merkin - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee He's a-leavin' little early, but that's okay He seems real depressed and a... I Don't Need Music Gene - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee (Gene:) (groans) I don't need to be a musician! In fact I don't need music at all! (Louise:) (sarcastically) Really? ((Tina:) What?) (Gene:) Stop looking at me like that, keyboard! You know I'm right! (Louise:) What would you do instead? (Gene:) Maybe I'll be a baker, or a candlestick maker Maybe I'll be a potter, or a teacher like "Welcome Back, Kotter" Maybe I'll juggle or maybe I'll juice Be a Top Gun and be friends with Goose One thing I know for sure I don't need music I don't need you anymore I don't need music I'm gonna kick you right out the door I Don't Need Music Anymore! ''Ahhh! Why don't you take the hint and leave me alone?! Keyboard, My Keyboard Unknown - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee Keyboard, my keyboard Keyboard, my keyboard BM in the PM Tim - Eat, Spray, Linda BM in the PM, she does her BM in the PM Not number one, number two It's a potpourri for you and me, yeah (she does her) BM in the PM, you gotta (BM, PM) BM in the PM (When she gotta go, yeah, she gotta go, yeah) BM in the PM (She gotta go, yeah, when she gotta go, yeah) 'Cause when she gotta go, she gotta go She does her BM I'm Falling for Helen Teddy - Housetrap https://soundcloud.com/lorenb/falling-for-helen I'm falling for Helen and there's no tellin' Just how far a fella can fall for sure-fitted, strong-armed, wild-eyed widow like Helen Buh, buh-dah-dah, buh-duhm there's no tellin' Just how far a fella can fall for a pill-poppin', home-wreckin' long-necked widow like Helen Bah, bah-dah-dah, bump-ba Bah, da, bah-dah-dah, ba, bup (I'm falling for Helen). '''Season 6 ''Engaged to Hugo ''Linda - Sliding Bobs I'm enganged to Hugo Is that good? I don't know As long as I don't think about it too much, yeah ''It's Called Fate (And It's Great) ''Tina, Gene, Louise and unknown - Sliding Bobs (Ron:) Hugo, did you ever feel we were... meant to be together? (Hugo:) Not... '''THIS AGAIN, RON!!!!' (Tina:) It's called fate and it's great, that's an easy way to remember it (x2) (Louise (spoken):) No, no, no, no (Sung:) Shave Dad's face, (Ooh, ooh) Belcher kids are erased (Ooh, ooh, ooh) (Gene:) If Dad's lip has no hair, (Ooh, ooh) we never come out of there (Ooh, ooh) (Tina:) It's called fate and it's great, that's an easy way to remember it (unknown:) Call it fate (fate) or destiny (destiny) Fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate Sneaking Out at Night ''Unknown - The Land Ship (Ooh) Sneaking out at night Doing wrong feels right ''Singin' a Song ''Jim Skillman - The Land Ship I'll sing you a song, a song I'll sing Hi houy, singin' a song Hi houy, singin' a song A humid night in the early spring Hi houy, singin' a song Hi houy, singin' a song The British were comin', muckenders were they Hi houy, Hi houy Rock it, boys With only one ship, our ribs they did prey Hi houy, singin' this song We bellowed and blundered and twiddled our wobbles Hi houy, singin'... (cuts to 20th Century FOX logo) ''I Love U So Much (It's Scary) ''Boyz4Now - The Hauntening (Boo Boo (spoken):) Hey, girl (Allen (spoken):) Yo, girl (Boo Boo (spoken):) Halloween has gotten so commercialized (Matt (spoken):) So many commercials (Boo Boo (spoken):) Let's try to get back to what it's really about (Matt (spoken):) What's it about, Boo Boo? (Boo Boo (spoken):) Love (Matt (spoken):) Oh, that's right (Boo Boo (spoken):) Yeah (All:) When I see you, I fall apart ...Like a zombie I got too nervous to ask you out ...To the prom-bie I wish I could make you mine When I open my mouth I sound like Frankenstein Every night, I stay awake... Like a vampire I just wanna get close to you... Hold your hand-pire I can't think of what to say, I sound like such a dummy You make me come unravelled, just like a mummy Chorus: Girl it's freaky (howling sound) My heart is weaky (hisses) My teeth are extra sharp, my body's extra hairy I'm running in the dark, I love you so much it's scary Ooh, yeah, scary It's scary, girl. Rap time. I close my eyes and you're still there You're the girl of my dreams, nope, my nightmares You're like Jason, Mike Myers, Carrie and Freddy But I don't want to run away, I want to go steady (Linda:) Is that a different Allen from the last video? (Tina:) No. (Linda:) Yes— What? Yes, it is! (Tina:) No, it isn't. (Linda:) They switch Allens sometimes, Bobby. (Tina:) No. They don't. (Bob:) Don't tell Teddy. That's his favorite one. He's a big Allen guy. It's Halloween (roars) I'm scared of the dark Going door to door To your mama's house I can feed her Got to get that candy Gotta put in my bag Whatcha have Ooh, trick or treat! Chorusx2: ''It's Thanksgiving for Everybody ''Linda - Gayle Makin' Bob Sled (Linda:) Aw, family! Now come on! Let's ea— Look at the food! Look at it! Don't get too close! Wow! Don't get too close. Look at me. (Bob:) Oh, God, what happened to the vegetables. (Louise:) Survival of the Sweetest, Dad. It's nature's way. (Bob:) Well, uh, they look... great. You guys really came through. I mean you cooked a turkey. (Linda:) Woo! (Bob:) All right, let's carve it! Oh, comes off... real easy. (Tina:) As it should. (Gene:) Mm-hmm. (Bob:) Uh, is this thread? (Louise:) Yeah. What do you use to sew ''your turkeys?'' (Bob:) Should we not eat this? (Louise:) Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. (Linda:) We could, maybe, no. (Gene:) I'll eat it. (Tina:) Hey, look who found a plate of microwave egg rolls! (Bob:) (humming) (Gayle:) No no no, somethin' with a little rhythm. It's gotta be jazzy! (Bob:) (sighs) Okay. All right all right. (Scats) (Gayle:) There ya go! Oh, look at him! He loves it! (Linda and Gayle:) It's Thanksgiving Thanksgiving for everybody Except for Europeans (Gayle:) (scats) (Linda and Gayle:) It's Thanksgiving Thanksgiving for everybody Except for Europeans (Gayle:) (scats) ''Nothin' Better Than Nice Capades ''Linda - Nice-Capades Nothin' better than Nice Capades On Christmas Eve. [https://drive.google.com/file/d/0ByPDOvdnPqL4UGxwMUhyRE5xUUU/view The Spirits of Christmas] Calvin Fischoeder - Nice-Capades When the last present's delivered And the snow outside's gettin' thicker So let's open that bottle of liquor Hey, bourbon, take me home On bourbon, on vodka, on scotch and on gin Take me back, let the North Pole dancing begin It's my party I'll be naughty get more lit than a tree Put that elf on a shelf, Merry Christmas to me Oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon Oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, oh bourbon, Oh, oh, oh, oh! Everybody now Oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon Come on, now. Let's hear it, Oh bourbon! Yeah Give me another one, okay. Oh, bourbon, bourbon, bourbon, bourbon, bourbon, bourbon, bour.... ''The Nice-Capades ''Louise, Tina, and Gene - Nice-Capades (Louise:) Hello! This year was a banner year for us Belcher kids! We did so many nice things! Too many to list! So we're going to sing them to you! Take it away, Gene, my brother! (Gene:) I did a buncha nice things this year, but one in particular comes to mind. Taco Tuesday was the day at school A day that always makes me drool But when only one taco was left I said "Rudy, friend, you take the rest" But the only thing left to eat Was nuggets from the deep, deep freeze And then those reheated evil nuggets got mad and turned into an angry tornado! Oooh! (Linda:) I made those nugget costumes. I made 'em a few hours ago, no big deal. (Gene:) So I did what I had to do to save the world. I ate the nuggets I ate the evil nuggets, yeah! I ate the nuggets The evil, evil nuggets, yeah! So that's something nice I did. And now I'm gonna hand it off to my handsome sister, Tina! (applause) (Tina:) I kissed my family on all of their cheeks Then I took a little walk along the beach A horseshoe crab was on its back Nearly having a heart attack I didn't kick it I gently nudged it back into the sea I didn't kick it, it had all the right number of legs when I left it, yeah The end. (Louise:) Ahem! (Tina:) Oh, right. And then I took it home and fed it, then took care of it and then it went to college and now it's a celebrity chef with all its legs, goodnight. (Bob:) (whispering) Lin, this is not going very— (Linda:) (whispering) Breathtaking! It's just breathtaking! (Bob:) (whispering) Yup. Right. Yeah. That's what I was about to say. (Tina:) And now enjoy the stylings of my super-nice sister, Louise. (Louise:) Nice job, Tina! I think he bought it! (Tina:) I'm just glad it's over. I feel dirty. (Louise:) That's the spirit! (Tina:) Thank you. Oh. (Louise:) I did so many nice things I can barely count 'em I regrew the rain forest, and lost puppies I found 'em I gave blankets to cold kids and ice cream to warm kids Shoes to the shoeless, hair to the hairless But the nicest thing I did all year... Uh, nicest thing I did... I... the nicest thing... I did... I... I... I... (sighs) I can't do this. (Teddy:) (panting) What? What are we doin'? Do I still spin around? What do I do?! ''Oy gevalt. ''You Read Her Diary ''Linda - Nice-Capades You read her diary, and tell the rest of us the juicy stuff So we don't have to read it Keeps our hands clean, oh, yes, it does ''She's Bored ''Linda - Nice-Capades Oh, she gets bored of forecasts and more forecasts I don't know why you watch that, Bob, she's bored ''You Told Him to Put Away His Penis ''Linda - Nice-Capades You told him to put away his penis And that was pretty cool ''Amor, Por Favor (Me llamo Tina) ''Tina and Louise - The Cook, The Steve, The Gayle, & Her Lover (English translation in parenthesis) (Tina:) Buenos dias, ¿Cómo estás? (Good day, How are you?) (Louise (spoken):) Love is like a beautiful flower (Tina:) Me llamo Tina (I call myself Tina) (Louise (spoken):) But it can also be dangerous, like a tiger with a gun (Tina:) El perro es grande (The dog is big) (Louise (spoken):) I mean, look at Steve. Divorce. Pain. Nothingness. Sorry, Steve (Tina:) ¿Dónde está el baño? (Where is the bathroom?) (Louise (spoken):) Stay single forever, protect your heart, avoid guidance counselors. The end (Tina (spoken):) Uh, (sung;) La, la, la, Spanish, la, la, la ''It's Valentine's Day ''Gene and Courtney - The Gene & Courtney Show (Gene:) Happy Valentine's Day, Wagstaff-inopolises! (Courtney:) If you think fish are just the grooviest... (Gene:) Join the Club for Marine Life Enthusiasts! (Courtney:) Wednesdays at lunch. (Gene:) If peanuts make you itch and wheeze... (Courtney:) Come and listen to the speaker on food allergies! (Gene:) Wait. What's this? An announcement just came in. (Courtney:) (whispering) What announcement? (Gene:) It's hard to explain it. I-I just gotta sing it. If you have good times, and if you have good rhymes, You may have found your one and only But then the one you like-like says "Take a hike-hike" Then suddenly you're lonely But still be glad, even if you're sad Take comfort just in knowing You'll be okay, it's Valentine's Day Your heart's not broken, it's only growing. (Miss Jacobson:) (whispering) That boy's got a crush on me. (Zeke:) (sobbing) He got me! Aah! I'm doing it! Oh, God, I'm cryin'! Oh, boy, I'm weepin'! These are tears, boy! ''Cease and Desist ''John Dylan Keith - Sexy Dance Healing (Jairo:) This is my body feeling good. (Bob:) This is my body feeling good. (Jairo:) This is my bowels feeling good. (Bob:) This is my bowels feeling good. (Jairo:) This is me tickling you! Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle! (Bob:) Stop! Stop! Cease and desist, 'cause I know I can't resist you, baby This is not just a chance to run or keep on doing my exercises, baby Cease and desist, 'cause you know I can't resist you, baby As you can tell by my wrist, I'm gonna keep on doing my exercises, baby ''Do The Dirty Pigeon ''Loren Bouchard and Chris Maxwell - House of 1000 Bounces vocalizing Do the dirty pigeon, do the dirty pigeon (x7) ''Two-Butted Goat ''Gene and Zeke - Stand By Gene Two, two, two-butted goat (x6) ''Butt Phone ''Critter - Wag the Hog Talkin' on a butt phone, on a butt phone (x6) ''Breaking Out ''The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums (Tina:) New friends on your face, it isn't yucky You're breakin' out and you're lucky (All (except Tina):) Breakin' out (Tina:) Can't keep it in any more (Breakin' out) You're bursting out of your pores (Breakin' out) It's simple, it's pimples, you've got inside-out dimples (All:) You're breakin' out 'Body Hair: Where?, There' The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums (Angela:) There's something new on me and you Brand new fur on him and her Hair (Where?) There ''Mono Can Cause Death ''The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums (Tina:) There's nothing you're missing, if you're not kissing (All (except Tina):) Kissing is so scary, it will make you ill-ow So if you want to kiss someone, go on and kiss your pill-ow (Tina:) I never want to kiss, even if I have great breath Kissing causes mono and mono can cause (Spoken:) Death ''No Kissing ''Tina - The Hormone-iums No, no kissing, kissing is the worst If you kiss me, you'll end up in a hearse ''Mononucleosis ''The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums (Tina:) I though kissing would be heaven So I kissed a boy (All(except Tina):) Or seven (All:) Mononucleosis has got you on your knees Worse than halitosis, it's a kissing disease All your bad decisions have kicked you in your butt (Tina:) If only I'd kept my lips shut ''Huggin' and a-Kissin Darryl - The Hormone-iums Well, I don't know much about huggin' and a-kissin' and a... I Love Charades Warren Fitzgerald - Pro Tiki/Con Tiki I love charades, it's a fun game, I could play all day (he loves charades) Oh, got a little pee on the seat (seat) Ooh, got a little pee on the seat but they'll never know (they'll never know) Ooh, got a little pee on the seat but they'll never know it was me (never know it was you) Tall Enuff 2 Ride Your Heart Boo Boo - Bye Bye Boo Boo I'm tall enough to ride your heart Keep your arms and lips inside my car If you have a heart condition, consult your doctor before riding Don't raise the safety bar when the car is in motion Don't be scared, girl, I will protect you and so will the safety bar (Ooh) I'm tall enough to ride your heart Keep your arms and lips inside my car (Ooh) Do not attempt to exit the car until we come to a full stop Oh, look, they're selling a picture of us on the ride You look really scared, not me (Ooh) I'm tall enough to ride your heart Keep your arms and lips inside my car Camp Unknown - The Horse Rider-er Camp! (hmm hmmm hmmm hmm hmm)(x4) Camp! Restaurant Camp Linda, Gene and Louise - The Horse Rider-er Restaurant camp is the best-aurant camp All the rest of the camps just aren't That's why dear old restaurant camp is in our little hearts Bad Stuff Happens in the Bathroom Bob and Louise - Glued, Where's My Bob? (Linda:) Uh-oh! We got customers! Gene, put an "Out of Order" sign on the door! (Gene:) On it! (Linda:) Good. (Gene:) Wait. What should it say? (Tina:) "Out of order. Dad stuck on toilet." (Bob:) No. (Gene:) What about "Out of order. Toilet cursed with evil"? (Bob:) Kids, just stop drawing attention to the door. Go help your mother. (Gretchen:) Hi, Linda! I'm ready to make Bob pretty. I brought my scissors and my tweezers. (Linda:) Oh. Oh, hi, Gretchen! (whispers) Gretchen's here, Bob! She's gonna get ya camera ready! Kids, go wait on the other customers. (Bob:) Everything's gonna be okay. (sighs) Everything's gonna be okay. Bad stuff happens in the bathroom I'm just glad that it happens in a vacuum Can't let them see me with my pants down Coasters magazine is gonna be my big chance now But I'll be outta here in no time I'll be doing interviews and feelin' just fine Today is gonna be a great day I'll do Coasters magazine and blow everyone away (Louise:) Let's be clear I did absolutely nothing wrong, I'm not to blame, it's not my fault This is just to say If Gene had pooped like every day, this would have all just blown away But he'll be out of there in no time No one's gonna blame me, I'll be doing just fine Today is gonna be a great day If Teddy can't unstick my dad, I'll find another way (Jimmy Pesto:) ''Hey, where's Bob? I wanna tell him I can smell him from across the street. (Gretchen:) Yeah, Linda, where ''is Bob? I gotta do his hair for a big interview.'' (Jimmy Pesto:) Interview? What interview? (Gretchen:) Bob's got a big magazine interview. (Jimmy Pesto:) What, are they writing an article about guys with mustaches you wanna punch? ZOOM! Ha ha! I say, "Zoom" now. You like it. (Gretchen:) Eh, it's okay. '''Season 7 ''The Forgiving Type ''Belcher Family - Flu-ouise (Louise:) I used to trust my family (All (except Louise):) We're sorry, so sorry (Louise:) Now they're just a sham to me (All (except Louise):) Did we mention that we're sorry? (Louise:) Destroyed my favorite thing in the world (All (except Louise):) This wasn't our best day (Louise:) Broke the heart of this little girl (All (except Louise):) You can slap us all in the face (Louise:) No amount of slaps can make this right (All (except Louise):) Oh, no, that's not good (Louise:) I guess I'm not the forgiving type ''Fortress is the Worstest - Part 1 ''Bob - Flu-ouise That fortress is the worstest, and I think it's kind of cursed us You can see it has immersed us in this darkness I built a beautiful sun deck, up there in the trees You could bring a good book there, and feel the gentle breeze It had a lovely view of the vicinity But then they built that fortress there and ruined it for me ''Fortress is the Worstest - Part 2 ''Linda and Louise - Flu-ouise (Linda:) That fortress is the worstest and it's really kind of cursed us You can see it has immersed us in this darkness I threw the best swamp parties I'd serve wine and calamaris And we'd drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and dink and... (Louise (spoken):) Yup, got it, we got it. (Linda (spoken):) Hold on, I'm not done (sung) And we drink and drink and drink and drink Come on, everybody! Drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink all day! But then the fortress made it dark and cold and that is not okay! Yeah! ''Fortress is the Worstest - Part 3 ''Tina and Gene - Flu-ouise That fortress is the worstest and it's really kind of cursed us... ''Nobody's Gettin' In ''Louise and Bad Kuchi Kopi - Flu-ouise (Louise:) Inside of these four walls of stone I'm finally all on my own 'Cause nobody's gettin' in No one's on the guest list, the bouncers are my two fists No one's gonna hurt this gal 'cause nobody's gettin' in (Bad Kuchi Kopi (spoken):) Scat break down! (sung) Skiddy bop-ba, skiddy bop-ooh Skiddy bop-bop, bop ba-bop ooh Scatting dat dat, da da da dah! ''Push That Button ''Good Kuchi Kopi - Flu-ouise You think living behind these walls Means you can't get hurt at all But that just makes it dark outside And only you can bring in the light There's just one thing that will make this right Push that button, push that button, become the forgiving type ''Flu-ouise ''Unknown - Flu-ouise I'm dreaming of a world where you forgive your family You seem like a girl that would choose Good Kuchi Kopi over Bad Kuchi Kopi, yeah That flu bug took you on a trip, a crazy tough ride But the sickness made you better and I'm glad you didn't die Flu-ouise (x2) ''We're Going Saling ''Linda - Sea Me Now We're going sailing, on a motorboat Do, do, do (multiple times) ''Halloween's Coming ''Linda - Teen-a Witch Halloween's coming, kids are trickin', kids are treatin' Ghosts gonna spook, pumpkins gonna pump, la ''Witchy-Witchy ''Unknown - Teen-a Witch Ha, ha, ha, ha Witchy-witchy, pumpkin snatchy Witchy-witchy, cursed by Jackie Witchy-witchy, eating candy Witchy-witchy, Jack-O-Landy Witchy-witchy, witchy-witchy Witchy-witchy, witchy-witchy Witchy-witchy, witch ''Here Comes the Meat Plane ''Jack Conway, Linda and singers - They Serve Horses, Don't They?'' (Jack:) Here comes the meat plane (Linda joins in:) Right to your counter (ooooohhh) (Jack:) Here comes the meat plane (Linda joins in:) Right to your counter (ooooohhh) (Jack:) ...again (Jack:) Here comes Jack, walking through your doorway (singers:) Here comes Jack, right through your doorway ''Going to the Accountant ''Linda - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou? La, la, la Going to the accountant, gonna do our taxes At the last minute, we're adults Responsible adults, yeah! ''Are You the One? ''Tina - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou? The briefest of glances can start the biggest romances Our eyes were doing the dances and they were making advances When our eyes met, I was like hey, now I bet that Joe could be the one Are you the one? ''Gerald ''Linda - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou? Gerald, I'm your friend Through thick and through thin, we'll do it together. ''It's Not Selfish to Love Shellfish! ''Tim - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou? Nothing lifts a pal up like a scallop It's not selfish to love shellfish! ''Is That Spark We Had Gone? ''Tina - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou? Is that spark we had gone? I was once so sure, now I fear I was wrong ''Thanksgiving Alphabet ''Wagstaff School students - The Quirkducers We're thankful for these foods we're eating Here's a list of foods we're eating A, apples A, apple pie ''Women's Issues Club ''Peter - The Quirkducers I don't have a vagina, but I won't stop try'na, help women with their issues ''Peelin' the Potatoes ''Linda - The Quirkducers Peelin' the potatoes, tryin' not to fart I'll just let out a little one, it's my little secret ''The Quirky Turkey ''Gene, Zeke, Tammy, Jocelyn and Tina - The Quirkducers (All (except Tina):) We're going to dinner, we're going to dinner (Zeke:) Look at all of us ("these" is sung during credits version) plump and popular turkeys (Gene, Tammy, and Jocelyn:) We're gonna make (Zeke:) Great Thanksgiving dinner guests (Tammy:) Yeah, because we're conventionally attractive turkeys Not like that quirky turkey over there (Tina (spoken):) Hi (Jocelyn:) Ew, don't talk to us (Tammy:) Yeah, go away, we've been invited (Both:) To special dinners as special guests (All (except Tina):) We're going to dinner, we're going to dinner We're so glad that we're not not going to dinner (Jocelyn:) Like that quirky turkey, ew (Tina:) Why can't I be like the other turkeys? They're all off ("out" is sung during credits version) having fun Is it 'cause I'm scrawny and have glasses and rather smallish buns? There he is, my crush The most handsome pig, what a rush Yeah! Man, oh, man, I dig that pig (Gene:) I thought I was a guest, but they just want me for my breast (Zeke:) Much to my surprise they're all staring at my thighs (Tammy:) They all look starving and ready for the carving (Gene:) Why don't they eat a pig instead? (Jocelyn:) Oh my God, ("Oh, God," is sung during credits version) they're chopping off my head (all scream) (Tina:) I used to spend my time wishing for a plump behind But now those birds with perfect bodies are decapitated hotties I wished I was someone else but it takes guts to be yourself Now I've got the guts, I've got the glory I like my scrawny stuff and I'm here to tell my story I've got the guts, do you have the guts to be yourself? I'm happy to be who I am Now I'm gonna see about a pig before he becomes a ham! ''You Can't Spell Christmas Without Us ''Linda, Oscar, August, Samuel and Randolph - The Last Gingerbread House on the Left (Linda:) I can spell Christmas without a you (Oscar joins in:) But that would break my heart in two (All:) You can spell Christmas without me But that would be a tragedy We need S and U's this time of year, because... Because we can't spell Christmas without "us" (x2) ''Watching You From a Distant Place ''Unknown - "Ex MachTina" Watching you from a distant place I'm calling you from my home base My satellite's spinning right out of control Transmission to the moon, now my message is go And the moon is so cold, it's so cold I can see food on your face Watching you from a distant place '"Jimmy, Jr.'s Musoems"' Jimmy Pesto, Jr. - "Ex MachTina" Dad, I used your cologne 'Cause you won't buy me my own Cars All the different cars My mom's new friend Allen, he's okay Breakfast! What if God's name was Todd? Pants are pretty great How am I supposed to learn about life when you won't let me watch The Good Wife? Why don't you eat the mushrooms If they are so good, mom? If you want me to catch then don't throw so hard Animal Planet, what if it was real? (I mean an actual planet for animals) My left shoe smells, but my right one's okay '"Sky Kiss"' Unknown - "Bob Actually" Ooh, sky kiss (x3) '"Chef Cat jingle"' Unknown - "There's No Business Like Mr. Business Business" If cats could cook, they'd cook Chef Cat. '"Cat Training"' Unknown - "There's No Business Like Mr. Business Business" Chorus Cat training, training a cat (x3) Put a lot of work in, get a little bit fat (repeat chorus) Chomp, chomp, chow, chow Meow, meow, meow, meow Ch-ch-ch-ch-chow (repeat chorus) '"Theme from ''Winthorpe Manor" Bob and Linda - "Zero LARP Thirty" "Attention Humans of America" Zentipede - "The Laser-inth" (spoken:) Attention, humans of America I am General Inzanity, and I have seized control, control, Control! "General Inzanity Intro"' (lyrics are in background after Bob and Gene exit auditorium) ''Zentipede - "The Laser-inth" Give my robots your guitars The time has come to forget about who you are Dig up those rocks and build my fortress '"Let My People Rock (Part 1)"' Zentipede - "The Laser-inth" We don't need no rocks Let my people rock We are not machines We like to wear tight jeans You have no control Let my people rock '"Fortress of Inzanity"' Zentipede - "The Laser-inth" Instrumental with vocalizations '"Let My People Rock (Part 2)"' Zentipede - "The Laser-inth" Instrumental '"Roll A Rock To Rock And Roll"' Zentipede - "The Laser-inth" Roll a rock to rock and roll-a Roll a rock to rock your soul A rock to rock and roll-a Robots don't get rock and roll-a Roll a rock to rock and soul your rock to rock and roll-a YEAH! Others [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y71aVFj_C7E%7C Cosmos is On] The Belcher Family - Bento Box Entertainment YouTube channel (Louise:) We've got some new to share so let's have a talk (Tina:) In March and April and May were on at seven o'clock (All:) But it's not our faaaaaaaaaaault, it's not our fault It's 'cause Cosmos is ooooooooooooooon, It's 'cause Cosmos is ooooooooooooooon [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiO_CXplRbE%7C Stayin' Up Till Midnight] The Belcher Family - Behind Bob's Burgers YouTube channel (Louise:) Stayin' up till Midnight (Tina:) Stayin' up till Midnight (Louise:) Stayin' up till Midnight, Uhh! (Gene:) Stayin' up till Midnight, Uhh! (Louise:) On New Years Eve its alright (Bob and Linda:) On New Years Eve its alright (Louise:) You get to stay up after Midnight (Bob, Linda and Gene:) You get to stay up after Midnight (Tina:) But I'm tired, uh so tired (Louise:) No! Stayin' up till midnight (Tina joins in:) Stayin' up till midnight (Louise:) Uhh! (Gene joins in:) Stayin; up till midnight (Linda joins in:) Stayin' up till midnight (All:) Stayin' up till Midnight (x2) [http://youtu.be/BKf-Rgja1Xs Beefin'] Linda Belcher - Adult Swim Promo Bob's beefin' Tina's beefin' Gene and Louise are beefin' Little old me is beefin' too But I wonder Who is beefin' who? Aah [https://youtu.be/Sw48C59tmNo B is for Burgers] An Opera Singer - Adult Swim Promo B is for the burgers that you gave me O is for your onions, sweet and savory B is for your buns, they're so impressive The apostrophe s makes the whole damn thing possessive Put it all together they spell Bob's Burgers Real Songs Season 1 ''If You Were Here ''Thompson Twins - Sheesh! Cab, Bob? Playing when Tina kisses Jimmy Jr. Season 2 ''The Ballad of Gilligan's Island ''Linda (written by Sherwood Schwartz and George Wyle) - Burgerboss Linda hums the tune when she arrives at the yacht club. ''One Way or Another ''Gayle (originally performed by Blondie) - Dr. Yap (Episode) Playing when Gayle attempts to seduce Bob repeatedly. ''Stuck in the Middle With You ''Stealers Wheel - Moody Foodie Plays while Reggie gives the Moody Foodie a wet Willie. ''Fantasy ''Earth, Wind and Fire - Bad Tina Playing when Tina reads out her friend fiction to the school. Season 3 ''Nisi Dominus ''Vivaldi - Ear-sy Rider Plays while Louise searches for her hat and ends up at the dump. ''Amazing Grace ''Teddy (written by John Newton) - Full Bars Sung by Teddy (with erroneous lyrics) when he buries his guinea pig, Frances. ''We Go Together ''Courtney Wheeler (originally from the musical "Grease") - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene Playing during a montage where Courtney attempts to get close to Gene. ''Father Christmas ''The Kinks - God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins Plays during a montage of Chet's window displays. ''Silent Night ''Unknown (written by Franz Xaver Gruber and Joseph Mohr) Plays while Chet thinks about Nadine. ''You're the Best ''Hugo Habercore (originally performed by Joe Esposito) - Nude Beach Plays during a montage of Bob and Hugo competing in the 'Nudecathlon'. ''Concerto No. 2 in G minor, Op. 8, RV 315 ''From Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" - O.T.: The Outside Toilet Plays when Gene activates the bidet function on the toilet. tune is later whistled by both Gene and Tim Jones (Max Flush). ''Baby Hold On ''Eddie Money - O.T.: The Outside Toilet Plays when Gene says "that's what I call easy money", the toilet misinterprets it as 'Eddie Money' and proceeds to play the track. A cover version of the song performed by John Roberts plays over the end credits. ''Fame ''Irene Cara - Two for Tina Plays on the radio while Josh and his classmates practice their streetdancing. ''24 Caprices for Solo Violin, Op. 1 No. 4 in C minor: Maestoso ''Paganini - The Kids Run the Restaurant Plays during Bob and Mr Fischoeder's game of Rock Paper Scissors. ''The Star Spangled Banner ''Tina (National anthem of the United States of America) - The Unnatural Sung by Tina before the baseball game Bob organizes to prove that the Deuce is a fake. Season 4 Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) John Roberts (originally performed by C+C Music Factory feat. Freedom Williams) - A River Runs Through Bob An easy listening cover of the 1990 hit plays when the camping couple begin their 'ritual trust', introduced as their ritual trust music. You Oughta Know Bob (originally performed by Alanis Morissette) - My Big Fat Greek Bob Bob sings the song on the karaoke machine after joining the students for some beer at the frat house. March No. 1 in D Linda (From Elgar's "Pomp and Circumstance Marches") - Bob and Deliver Linda sings about Teddy graduating to the tune of the "Land of Hope and Glory" section. Jingle Bells Linda, Tina, Gene and Louise (written by James Lord Pierpoint) - Christmas in the Car Linda sings the song while honking the horn to get Gary (unseen at this point) to stop honking his. Silent Night Linda (written by Franz Xaver Gruber and Joseph Mohr) - Christmas in the Car Linda sings the song after the clock strikes midnight, she is interrupted by Gary's truck reversing into the car leading her to sing "Holy craaap" rather than "Holy night". Second appearance in the series. Night on Bald Mountain Modest Mussorgsky - Easy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercial Plays during the Burgerzilla sequence of the family's commerical on the end credits. Macarena Unknown, with additional instrumentation from The Klezbians (originally performed by Los Del Rio) - Mazel-Tina Performed by The Klezbians as part of the Bat Mitzvah entertainment Chicken Dance The Klezbians (written by Werner Thomas) - Mazel-Tina Performed by The Klezbians as part of the Bat Mitzvah entertainment Hava Nagila Tina (traditional) - Mazel-Tina Sung by Tina over the end credits, instrumental version plays during Tammy's hora. The Streets of Cairo Teddy (Sol Bloom) - Uncle Teddy Sung by Teddy with lyrics about there possibly being underwear being in the pipe under the kitchen sink Season 5 Dim All the Lights Donna Summer (with Bob singing over) - Dawn of the Peck Bob puts the song on while at home alone, he begins to dance and sing to it. Adagio in G minor Albinoni - Dawn of the Peck Plays during Bob's soliloquy with the turkey baster. Love Is in Control (Finger on the Trigger) Donna Summer (with Bob singing over) - Dawn of the Peck Plays over the end credits, again with Bob singing and dancing. The Jack AC/DC - Can't Buy Me Math Plays on the radio while Bob stripteases. Wonder Natalie Merchant (sung by Teddy) - The Millie-Churian Candidate Sung by Teddy over the end credits. Ride of the Valkyries Richard Wagner - Li'l Hard Dad Plays during the helicopter battle, a reference to Apocalypse Now. Maneater Hall and Oates - Itty Bitty Ditty Committee Sung by Darryl in the computer lab. Up, Up and Away Nancy Sinatra - The Oeder Games Played during the montage of Bob defeating the other tenants. 99 Red Balloons Nena - The Oeder Games Sung by H. Jon Benjamin over the end credits. Season 6 Joy to the World Traditional - Nice-Capades Plays as a Muzak version at OMG Mall. Good King Wenceslas Traditional - Nice-Capades Plays as a Muzak version at OMG Mall. Just What I Needed The Cars - The Hormone-iums Sung by Tina over the end credits. Season 7 Beyond the Sea Bobby Darin - Sea Me Now Sung by Teddy over the end credits. Ave Maria Schubert - "The Quirkducers" Sung by a student auditioning for "The Quirky Turkey." Deck the Halls Traditional - "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left" Sung by Linda, Tina, Gene, Louise, and Teddy while caroling. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing Charles Wesley - "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left" Sung by Linda, albeit with erroneous lyrics. Adeste Fideles Unknown - "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left" Sung by Oscar. Latin version of "O Come, All Ye Faithful." Rock the Casbah The Clash - "Ex MachTina" Sung by Mr. Branca. Stupid Cupid ''Connie Francis - "Bob Actually" Plays on the boombox in the beginning of the episode. Rock Me Amadeus Falco - "Eggs For Days" Sung by Linda while Gene plays it on a stereo to help drive Big Baby Pudding Snatcher away so Bob could get the remaining rotten egg in the crawl space. "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes - "Thelma & Louise Except Thelma is Linda" Sung by Bob and Teddy during the End Credits Sequence. "Dancing on the Ceiling" Lionel Richie - "Mom, Lies, and Videotape" Sung by Linda during the End Credits Sequence. Category:Songs